First Week Complete

So I have successfully completed one week on this program and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I'm really proud of myself for being able to stick with it and stay on track.  I went to the gym everyday this week, even though some days  I really didn't want to get out of bed or had very little motivation.  I decided to talk myself into the gym rather than talk myself out of it. I am, however, very sore. lol.  But being sore from working out is way better than feeling guilty that there was something more I could have done.  In past weeks I've spent my time half assing in the gym about 3 times a week, eating right about 60% of the time with cheats here and there.  I was basically doing all I could do to maintain the weight I was unhappy with.  I would go a week on the straight and narrow, working out and eating right, but not see any progress and that would be so discouraging, I would eat to feel better.  Of course I wouldn't be able to lose weight that way.  I couldn't see that.  All I felt was disappointment.  I honestly felt like I was giving it my all, doing everything I could do.  But I wasn't, I was being self-destructive. 

After this first week, I've modified that way of thinking.  I've actually stuck to a program, and made progress!  A few days ago I reported that I had lost 3 lbs. Well, after week 1, I've lost a total of 5 lbs!  I've never lost that much in a week (healthily anyways).  I'm hoping that I can keep this up.  If i continue to lost 5 lbs a week (which is possible the program says typically 2-5) I'll be at my first goal of 50 lbs in 9 more weeks.  That would be about mid-October.  My deadline is actually November, but I'll take an early victory.  It would be nice to do my weigh-ins with the rest of the command for a change.  And to actually be able to step on the scale, have the number read and walk away.  I don't want to have to drive myself insane in the days leading up, being careful to not gain an inch or a pound.  I don't want to stand nervously on the scale while they move the slide to find my weight.  I don't want to go through the embarrassment of getting measured and have my inches calculated.  I want to be within standards.  I want to throw away these giant uniforms and feel comfortable at work. I want to be able to wear all of my clothes and feel great in them.  And with this little bit of progress, I have the motivation and the drive to get it done so I can feel normal again.

So 5 lbs... I still can't believe it.  It's been a long time coming.  And I really want those pounds to know that they are not welcome here anymore.  Just stay wherever you are, you'll have more friends there to join you soon.

oh, and I'm thinking about just doing weekly summaries for a while.  and the occasional good thing update.  I know some of you actually read all of these so tell me what you think, daily updates or weekly summaries?

Thanks for reading, and sharing this moment with me.  Until next time...

Another good day.

Today was a good day, good things didn't really happen, but nothing went wrong.  I made some more progress with my issues at the gym.  I bring my iPad sometimes to read while I'm on the cardio machines.  It helps with the boredom.  Listening to music alone isn't enough, and there are only 3 TVs and you can't really hear them. So I read.  Having a book on the machine is super awkward so the iPad is super convenient.  After my initial cardio I was going to go into the basketball court for some circuits.  But there were already 2 people in there around where I wanted to be so I opted for the stretching room instead.  A few days ago I downloaded the Nike Training Club App for iPhone (also compatible with iPad), I never used it but I had it so that had to count for something.  I wanted to do abs and remembered seeing a few workouts in there for just that.   All I needed was a mat and a medicine ball.  I wanted to start small since it was my first workout with the app, so I opted for a 15 workout.  There were 5 exercises total, toe touches, russian twists, plank, side plank, and Crazy Ivans.  Each exercise lasted for a minute, with 3 sets total, and a 30 second rest period in between each set.  The app coaches you through each exercise, let's you know when you're halfway there, and gives a countdown at 5 sec. Then it tells you when to switch.  There is also an option to watch a video of the exercise you're supposed to do if you're unsure what it is or what the proper form is.  I had to watch the video once because I had no idea what a Crazy Ivan was.  lol.  At the end of the 15 minutes, my abs were burning, I was dripping sweat, and I felt like I actually got something done.  The other good part about this story is that while I was working out, a guy came in to do a workout too and I didn't stop.  I went about my business and finished my workout.  I think I'm going to start using this app everyday.  I do need to put music on my iPad though.  It lets you add music to your workout and it will voice over the commands.  If you don't have this app yet, I highly recommend you get it.  There are toning, strength, high interval cardio drills, and area specific workouts.  You can share your workouts through social networking, and you earn rewards for the amount of time you spend using it.  And after all of that, I still managed to get up on the stair stepper for 5 minutes.  I had it set to 60 steps per minute.  5 minutes doesn't seem like that long, until you're on the stair stepper, then it's an eternity!  So since I did so great I took 10 minutes to relax in the sauna. 

That was a great way to start the day.  Great until I got to work and realized I had to climb so more stairs lol.  I did good with my eating today too.  I didn't feel hungry at all.  It did take me about an hour to eat my 2nd and 3rd meals so I think that might have something to do with it.  I've also decided that I'm not a fan of the shakes when prepared in the blender cup.  I'd rather blend it together with ice and get a thick and creamy shake instead of a gritty thing I have to shake up each time I want to take a sip.  And with the blender at least the shake is cold.  In the cup it's room temp at best, even with ice cubs added after the shaking. 

I wish I had more to report, but I think that's good for now.  I'm moving in the right direction at the gym and making my mandatory time there count.  Makes me feel productive.  And instead of wearing me out, it gives me energy for the rest of the day.  I still have yet to take a nap since starting the program.  whoo hoo for me! lol

Hoping to keep the good vibes going into the weekend. :)

3 in 5....

Good News!

I told myself that I wasn't going to weigh myself until the end of the week.  But my step mom, who is always my health coach, was curious as to how I was really doing so I humored her and stepped on the scale. I started this program 5 days ago, after MONTHS AND MONTHS of no progress...but in these 5 days I've lost 3 pounds.   (I weighed myself a night so the number might actually be bigger.)  It's really reassuring to see that the pounds are melting away.  I know that I made the right choice for me and that my goal isn't out of reach.  I've put my scale back in the closet where it belongs and I'm going to stick with weighing in weekly. 

I took a step towards overcoming my gym shyness today.  I didn't stop when the first person walked into the room, progress....but I stopped when the second person did. lol baby steps.  I managed to get a good workout in regardless.  And there's always tomorrow.  I've been thinking about joining the gym that's down the street from my house.  I like classes and the gym on base doesn't really offer any at time I can go.  They have Zumba, which is so much fun.  I have Zumba for my Kinect but it just isn't the same.  The gym also offers other classes that could be beneficial for my health and possibly my social life (which is non existent at the moment).  I'm going to sign up for the free trial next week so I can get a feel for it.  Hopefully the atmosphere is good and the Zumba instructor has rhythm. lol

I was actually somewhat busy at work so it made the time between meals pass by quickly.  We had a fundraiser during lunch selling Bratwursts, Soda, and Chips and I passed and didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.  I don't know if I'd feel like same if it were a bake sale lol. 

And, I got a kitty today!  His name is Nox -- it's a Wand Extinguishing Charm from Harry Potter.  Lumos turns the light on, Nox turns it off.  And he's a black kitty, so it fits.  And he's adorable.  I've been feeling a bit lonely and disconnected here so maybe he will help.  I've been looking for a kitty since I moved here and they were either too far away, the owner wouldn't return my emails, or I'd show up and they would have already given the kitty to someone else.  So this was a huge break.  He's about 10 weeks old so he's pretty clingy which is nice because when he becomes a teenager he won't want anything to do with me. lol I do need him to get bigger though, I found a spider man outfit at the pet store today that he totally needs. He better let me put it on him.


Today was a good day.
Here's to a better tomorrow...

All eyes on me...

Hello Again.  Day 4 is complete.  I'm still feeling pretty good.  I tried 3 different things today for my meals.  This morning I made my Vanilla Shake and I added 1/2 of a packet of Crystal Light Lemonade to it.  It actually tasted really good.  It was sweet and had a lemony zest to it.  Nice and refreshing since I don't really get to drink juice anymore. This opens up a lot of combinations and flavor possibilities.  For my next meal I had the Cinnamon & Brown Sugar Cereal.  I have the option to eat it with soy or almond milk but I didn't have any so I opted to eat it dry.  I like dry cereal.  I've read really good reviews on it, and it definitely lived up to them.  I'm going to get some almond milk and try it that way too.  I bet it tastes great.  After lunch I had the S'mores Crunch Bar.  And it really tasted like s'mores.  I don't know how they did it, but this bar is getting added to my favorites list and I will totally make sure I have it in stock. lol   The next 10 days are going to be a bit hard for me since my working hours have been extended until 5pm.  I think I'm going to switch things up and eat my lean and green meal at work since I won't be home until after 6.  Since I have to eat every 2-3 hours, it will be easier for me to just grab a bar on the way home instead of worrying about rushing home to cook something and still be within my meal time frame.  I think changing my lean and green time will also give me the energy to make it through the day.  It will probably be something simple like a salad.  I just won't have time to run downstairs to prep the meals so this will work out better for me.  I'll try it out for a few days, and if it doesn't work, I'll modify my plan.

I restarted my progress journal.  I track my workouts, moods, and food intake/times in it and write down any feelings or topics I want to write about.  I usually think of something during the day and then forget about it by the time I sit down to write my blog entry.  I'm also going to add my progress pictures to it.  (once I figure out how to get my printer online again, damn thing was just working a week ago!)
 
I worked out with my command for the first time since I transferred here.  I was always allowed to go do my own thing because of my leg, but today I gave it a try.  I was able to do jumping jack for the first time in a really long time.  I guess the physical therapy is working.  I'm hoping to be able to run soon.  Walking is such a drag and treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals just get really boring after a while.  I've been trying to switch up my gym routines but I've run into a little bit of "gym shyness".  I don't know what it is or where it comes from but I feel like everyone in the gym is watching me and silently judging me in their heads.  It's completely irrational but I still can't manage to shake the feeling.  I usually work out at the gym on base.  Most of the people there are people that are already in shape and work out for fun or to build muscle tone.  They're already in shape.  And for someone that is out of shape and is working out to lose weight it can be intimidating.  I know no one actually cares what I'm doing in the gym but if I'm trying to work out and someone else is in the same area as me I automatically feel like stopping, and most of the time I do.  If i want to use the stretching room and someone is in there, I'll leave.  And if I'm already in the room and someone comes in, I'll wrap up whatever I was doing and I'll leave.  When I'm doing cardio I don't really have that issue but I can't get to where I need to be on cardio alone.  I'm not sure what I can do to move past this shyness or how to build my confidence in the gym but I need to figure something out soon.

Until tomorrow....

Another day down.

Greetings readers.

Day 3 has come to a close and I'm feeling pretty great.  I had a great day despite the fact that it's a Monday which almost never happens.  I've also gone 2 days in a row without a nap. lol Today was my first day at work on this diet plan.  It will take some getting used to but I think it went well.  I had to adjust my meal times to every 3 hours instead of every 2 hours since I have my first meal around 6am, I didn't want to end up eating all of my meals before I get off work.  Every 2 hours works better on weekends since I wake up later and I don't have much going on. 

So today I tried a few new things, so I'll only give a run down of those so I don't bored you all with the same ol thing.   I had a Vanilla Shake before I went to the gym this morning.  I combined the shake with a tablespoon of caramel syrup, a packet of splenda, and ice for a night morning frap and it was really good.  The thing I like about these shakes is that they are really yummy, and they aren't all grainy and gross like other diet shakes (or most protein shakes).  Drinking the shake on the way to the gym was a lot easier than trying to eat an orange or something.  And it didn't weigh me down once I started my workout.  It held me over until the next time I ate.  I also tried the Cinnamon Roll Crunch Bar.  This bar was better than the Caramel Crunch.  It was sweeter than I thought it would be, but in a good way.  It had a lot of flavor which was really great.  For lunch I had the Vegetable Beef Stew.  I didn't bring anything with me to doctor it up, but luckily it didn't need any extras.  I heated up the water first, then added the contents of the packet, reheated for 2 minutes, then I put the lid on it and let it sit for about a half hour.  When I was ready to eat, I popped it back in the microwave for about a minute and a half and VIOLA, it was done, and really good.  Another thing I wanted to add about the food is that I found that after eating it a few times I'm getting used to the change in flavor from what I'm used to eating.  I had the Cinnamon Pretzel Sticks for the 2nd time since starting the program and they tasted a lot better than the first time.  That's really reassuring for me because it means my body is adapting and that this will work out. 

Today I took it pretty light at the gym, because I didn't want to do too much and end up feel like poo for the rest of the day.  But tomorrow I'm going to step it up because we have command PT and they get pretty serious with the workouts.  It's essentially about 30 minutes of calisthenics and 30 minutes of circuits. I haven't actually participated in group PT yet because of my leg and metal plate, but I'm going to give it a shot tomorrow and see how I feel.

I still need to take my before pictures.  I look at myself in the mirror everyday before I get dressed but there's just something about having it all documented in pictures that freaks me out a bit.  It will be helpful to see my progress but right now, it's a big sloppy mess and I'd rather not expose myself to that.  I feel like if I did, I'd be way harder on myself than I need to be, and that would be counter-productive since the point of all this is to see myself in a new and brighter light.  I don't think I'd have an issue showing them to the world once this is over, but my issue is just me seeing them right now.  I'm hoping that I can work up the nerve to do it soon because it would really be a shame to miss out on this portion of the transformation.  I'll see if I can psych myself up for it tomorrow.  Part of what I'm working on is an improved body image, self-worth and confidence.  I guess this is the first step towards those things.  Hopefully I'm brave enough to take it.

All in all, I count day 3 as a success.  Until tomorrow....

Day 2

Day 2 has come to a close and I feel great.  I was full of energy all day.  I didn’t even take a nap, which for me is a pretty big deal. I woke up around 7:30 which is weird for me for a Sunday.  But I actually went to sleep at a decent hour last night (again, a big deal for me). 

I tried 5 different foods today to see how they tasted and add to the list of things I like and want to order again. 

1^st Meal:   Spiced Pancakes.  Ok, let me just tell you, these are AMAZING!  They had a great pumpkin flavor to them.  I’m going to have fun finding ways to dress these up and do different things with them. 

2^nd Meal:  Caramel Mocha Frap.  I took the Mocha Shake Mix and added 1 tablespoon Sugar Free Caramel Syrup, ½ c water, ½ c crushed ice, and 1 packet of Splenda with fiber then blended it together.  It tasted really, really good.  And the best thing is that there are other recipes for the Mocha Shake so I’ll have some variation. 

3^rd Meal:  Cinnamon Pretzel Sticks.  I was a little skeptical about these at first because I tasted one about a month ago when my step mom started the program and it tasted a little chalky and dry.  But I think I just psyched myself out about it.  They are really good.  And there are a lot in the little package which makes for a nice, filling on the go snack.  I’ll be sure to have a pack of these in my purse if I’m ever out and about so I won’t miss a meal.

4^th Meal:  Chili.  For this one, I consulted the internet.  I found a blog that gave a few tips and suggestions on how to make the chili taste better.  I started it about an hour before it was time for me to eat.  I mixed the packet of chili with ¼ c diced tomatoes, some hot sauce, chili powder, and Mrs. Dash table blend.  Then I added the mixture to boiling water.  I let it come to a boil then took it off the heat to set until I was ready to eat it.  When it was time to eat, I put it back on the burner for a few minutes until it was hot.  It seems like a lot trouble to go through but it was worth it.  I don’t know what it tastes like regularly but the way I made it was pretty tasty. 

5^th Meal:  Lean & Green, Mojo marinated Chicken w/ Collard Greens.  Of course this was super delicious lol I’m not even going to explain it.

6^th Meal:  Vanilla Pudding.  This was pretty good. It was kind of soupy so I think I’ll use a little less water next time. 

Day 2 went very well.  I wasn’t hungry at all.  I told myself I wasn’t going to weigh myself until the end of the week.  But this morning before I put my scale in the closet I accidentally stepped on it and stood there until a number came up, and I’m down a pound since yesterday.  I’m not going to get too excited, but it’s pretty awesome.   

I know this all reads a little boring but I promise as time goes on and progress is made, the entries will become more interesting.  Let’s not forget that I’m hilarious so I’ll try to spice things up from time to time when I can.  Tune in tomorrow. Same bat time, same bat channel…

The first day of the rest of my life.

Today was day one of Take Shape for Life.  I’m really glad I started on a weekend.  The food isn’t bad but it isn’t really delicious either.  It’s going to take a lot of getting used to.  But I figure after a week or so of this, I’ll get used to the difference in taste and texture.  Eating every 2 hours is a little weird though and I’m supposed to stretch out eat meal for at least 15 minutes.   I have an app in my phone that reminds me when it’s time to eat so that helps a little. 

For breakfast I had Chocolate Chip Pancakes with sugar free syrup.  This was actually really good.  Not as fluffy as regular pancakes but still good.  One packet makes about 3 pancakes.  And I’m allowed 2 tablespoons of syrup, which is exactly enough.  This meal left me feeling full and satisfied. And held me over until the next time I was supposed to eat. 

For my 2^nd meal I had a caramel crunch bar. Basically like a chewy bar or a cereal bar.  It tasted like peanuts which threw me off a bit but it wasn’t unbearable.  It was a nice snack and I drank some more water so that I could wash it down.

For lunch I had chicken noodle soup.  I read online that since it’s a dehydrated food, I should let it soak for a while in hot water before I heat it up and eat it so that all of the veggies and meat had time to “rehydrate”.  I did that and I didn’t have any issues with texture.  I’m going to find out how to doctor it up a bit to make it taste a little better.  Today I only used some Mrs. Dash table blend and it was an improvement.

The next meal was Chili Nacho Cheese Puffs.  These were a little weird.  They have sort of an after taste to them, but nothing too gross.  Just different than what I’m used to say if I were to eat a bag of Cheetos or something.  It’s a nice alternative though.  I wasn’t all that hungry when it was time to eat these.  I only ended up eating half of the bag. 

Next, it was time for my Lean & Green meal.  I chose to eat boneless skinless chicken breast and broccoli.  Something simple since I didn’t really feel like cooking.  So I had 6 oz of chicken and 1 ½ cups of broccoli.  I ate slowly to give my body a chance to digest and so I’d know when I was really full instead of the usual scarfing serving after serving down until I was completely stuffed.

My final meal was my dessert.  I had a Brownie.  This was a nice little treat.  It tastes really good and was a nice way to end the day.  I’m glad that I have that option so my body still feels like it’s getting the snack it’s used to getting. 

Overall it was a good day.  I didn’t hit any major challenges with hunger.  I thought I’d be starving by the middle of the day but I wasn’t.  It’s been about 4 hours since my last meal and I’m still fine. 

I didn’t go to the gym because I wanted to see how the first day would go and what my energy level would be like.  So, tomorrow I’m going to try a light workout and see how I feel afterwards.   Right now, I feel pretty good.  This stuff gives me unbelievable gas lol but I’m not feeling bloated, sluggish, or tired like I normally do. 

I can tell that the hardest part of this whole thing is going to be dealing with boredom.  Normally, my go to reaction to boredom is to eat or take a nap.  Both of those things are counterproductive to losing weight so I’m going to have to find something else to occupy my time and my mind.  Tomorrow I’m going to fill most of my day up with housework and hopefully it will be enough to keep me from thinking about food or snacks or other delicious treats.  I’m also going to go through my cabinets and fridge and get rid of anything even remotely tempting that isn’t a part of this plan.  I don’t need anything in my face that I know I won’t be able to eat for months anyway. 

So today, during the time I was sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing since my internet is still out, I made my goals for the week. My goals are:

 

1.    Lose weight.  I’m not going to say how many pounds I want to lose because that doesn’t matter.  All I want to do is lose something.  It’s been so long since I’ve lost a single pound that anything would be an accomplishment. 

2.       Workout at least once every day.  My job requires me to work out every morning, but I’m thinking about starting the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred in the evenings since I do have time to kill and need to do something besides nothing. 

3.       Stick to the 5 & 1 plan.  I’m notorious for not sticking 100% to a diet or sneaking in cheat foods.  If I can stick with this for a week, then I know I’ll be able to stick with it for another.

I’m confident that I’ll be able to accomplish all of these goals this week.  A small victory is still a victory and sometimes that’s all we need to be able to keep going.

Thanks for reading.  Until tomorrow…

A Fresh Start...

This will be my third weight loss blog.  Pathetic, I know.  I'm hoping that this time, I'll be able to lose the weight and keep it off.

If you're reading this, you know me personally.  If you don't, then you'll get to know me as I get to know myself again.  A lot of you know the old me.  The happy, 140 lb, nerdy, funny me.  I'm no longer that person, and haven't been in a long time.  I don't know where she is, or when exactly I lost her.  My goal is to find that girl and get reacquainted with her.  In the spirit of full disclosure, I'm going lay it all on the line in this blog.  I've been making a lot of excuses, and I'm ready to take full responsibility for my actions.  As of today I am 198 lbs.  This is the heaviest I have ever been, and quite frankly it both scares and disgusts me.  How did this happen? Why did I let this happen?

Well, I found myself slipping into depression over the past few years.  And through that depression, I found comfort in food.  I'd eat to feel happy, and keep eating to stay happy.  I would eat if I was hungry, but mostly because I was bored. I lost over 30 pounds last year and got to my goal weight, but I got lazy and complacent and the weight came back.  I saw it coming and I didn't do anything to stop it.  My view of myself has been skewed.   I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going.   It isn't until I look at a picture of myself (which I avoid at all costs, unless I'm behind someone or it's a head shot) that I realize the severity of my "condition". I'm fat.  And have been for a while.  I can't sugar coat it anymore, and I'm not looking for someone to tell me otherwise.  This is the truth and it's about time I face the facts. 

So, I'm starting over.  This is probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm up for the challenge.  There is no looking back now.  Tomorrow I start the Take Shape for Life program.  I'm really excited about this.  Basically, its a MediFast meal system where I eat 5 prepared meals and one Lean & Green meal.  I get a Heath Coach to help me and give me support when I need it.  I also have my step mom and dad who are on the program as well to be my support system.  My step mom is my biggest inspiration through all of this.  Her transformation and weight loss journey is truly amazing.

Here are a few of my goals:
1.  To be happy, fit, and healthy
2.  To lose at least 50 lbs
3.  To be able to go clothes shopping without having to reach all the way in the back  of the rack or at the bottom of the shelf to find my size
4.  To go clothes shopping without having the trip end in tears
5.  To actaully be able to wear the clothes I have in my closets and drawers
6.  To regain the confidence I once had.
 
I'm hoping that through this blog I'll be able to inspire someone.  My intention is to post everyday about my day, the mile stones, challenges, and overall feelings.  I welcome any comments, advice, or encouragement.  I will not, however, tolerate anyone who wants to discourage me, bring me down, or judge me.  I do that to myself enough,  I don't need your help.  I thank you all for reading this, and being apart of my journey.  Hopefully, you'll all be there at the end.   Until tomorrow....