Been a while...

I know it has been a while since my last post. I've sort of been all over the place.  In true Jen fashion, I feel off for about a week or so (surprise, surprise lol) but this time I wasn't as reckless as usual.  So I guess I deserve a pat on the back for that. 

I've been seeing a psychologist to work out the issues that have been holding me back.  Most people have daddy issues, I have mommy issues.  I've been talking through my childhood, trying to release everything that I've bottled up and compartmentalized over the years.  Each session takes more and more out of me but it will be worth it in the end.  I've also been seeing a psychiatrist to get my depression under control.  I've been on Wellbutrin for about 3 weeks now, and I've already noticed a change in my mood. I've had more energy and I don't feel like I'm constantly on the verge of tears.  The good thing about Wellbutrin is that it doesn't cause weight gain, which was my biggest concern with going on an anti-depressant.  So, I saw my dr today for a follow up and he said he was pleased with the way things are going, and that it would take about 3 more weeks for the meds to be fully incorporated into my system so we decided to take a more aggressive approach and we doubled the dosage. I start the 300mg tomorrow so hopefully it doesn't have any negative side effects. 

So there's that... Now progress news.  I recently started doing Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.  Let me tell you, that shit is intense!  For a workout that only takes 25 minutes, it really hits hard.  There are 3 levels, you do each level for 10 days, then move on to the next level.  When I started here were my measurements:

Weight: 192
Neck: 13"
Waist: 35"
Stomach: 43"
Hips" 48"
Thighs" 27"

And after 10 days at level 1:

Weight: 185
Neck: 13"
Waist: 32.5"  (-2.5")
Stomach: 42" (-1")
Hips" 45.5" (-2")
Thighs" 26.5" (.5)

So I lost a total of 7 lbs, and 6".  That's pretty amazing!  Especially since I was stuck fluctuating between 188 and 192 for about 2 weeks...I'm glad I stuck with the workouts and my diet (most days lol).  I have also been doing cardio in the mornings , so I'm sure that helps out a lot.  I have a few more weeks until the PRT and I need to lose about 4-6 more inches. The last time I was able to pass with measurements I was 172.  That means I have about 3 weeks to lose 13 lbs...we'll see how it goes, so fingers crossed for me.  I need all the help I can get at this point lol.

I'll try to post more frequently, I know I've been sort of neglecting the blog.  Sorry to everyone that has missed my lovely words.   

Until next time....(whenever that may be lol)

Getting back on the horse.

It's been a while since my last post.  And I know some of my faithful readers (ahem Erika) have been waiting.  So I'll start with why it has taken so long for me to write.  I kind of fell off the horse a bit.  There hasn't been any weight gain, per say, but it's my special lady time (or shark week as I like to call it) and my cravings are up, my motivation is down, and my discomfort is through the roof.  Normally I'm pretty good about redirecting my cravings but this is the first cycle I've had to go through on this program and I wasn't really prepared for it.  So I caved.  I'm not going to list out what I ate because then I'll start thinking about food again, and I don't want that to happen.  I will tell you that there are about 437 better ways for me to spend that money.  And next time, I think what I'll do is write down a few and use that as my motivation not to spend it.  The great thing is, that the only weight that I've gained is that the normal water/bloating weight.  So in a few days when this is all behind me I'll be able to see where I'm at and what the actual damage was.  Another contributing factor was that I ran out of the bars and snacks that I like.  I guess I underestimated how many I would actually eat. So, this time around, my whole order was bars, shakes, and snacks since I still have the soups and chili left from the first order.  Hopefully, this won't happen again. I experienced a bit of a setback at the gym this week as well. My physical therapist has been out of town, and of course my leg would start bothering me.  I tried to run last week and I was fine until 2 days later and I've been in pain ever since.  I put icy hot on before and after working out and take Excedrin just to dull the pain a bit so I can make it through the workout.  But it doesn't really help. I feel it, and it's terrible.  I'm trying to push through the pain because nursing my wounds won't help any.  No pain, no gain right?

I've decided to join a gym.  The base gym is nice and everything but it's too far for me to go to on the weekends and all of the classes they offer are during the day when I'm at work.  The gym down the street offers Zumba (which I love), night classes, circuits, a separate workout room for women (which is great!), and a 5 am boot camp class.  I'm going to find a way to wake up that early and go to one to see how it is.  I got a free trial for it so we'll see.  Fingers crossed that it works out for me. I just feel so lost at the gym most days, the classes will help a lot and they have trainers on site.

So what do we take away from this?  Periods suck, and if you're a guy reading this I apologize but you kids had to learn someday. lol But even though they happen, and they just rip your insides out and make you feel and think irrational things, you have to deal with it just like everything else.  I'm hoping that my week of weakness will help you all see that falling down is just as important as getting back up.  The only thing you have to be careful of is how long you stay down once you get there. It's ok to fall but try not to linger and don't dwell on it.  If you do, you'll drive yourself insane and you'll prolong your stay.  So, I'm getting up, dusting myself off, and getting back on the horse. It's definitely going to be a bumpy ride, but I'm strapped in and ready.  I have a few months to get this right and I'm determined to see this through.

End of Week 2.

I have successfully completed my 2nd week on the Take Shape for Life program. It seems like it's been longer than 2 weeks but not in a bad way.  I got a little discouraged and down on myself in the middle of the week, but I'm chalking it up to bad weather and crazy scheduling due to the hurricane that was supposed to hit the area. I ended up being off work on tuesday and wednesday, the whole town was shut down.  Those 2 days off threw my schedule way off.  On top of that, I went against my plan and was weighing myself.  And I was doing it in the middle of the day when I was at my heaviest so of course the numbers were off but it still made me feel terrible.  3 days with no weight change and I thought about giving up.  I didn't though.

It took a lot for me to stay on track this week.  Normally I would eat whatever, feel like shit, throw a pity party, and then jump back on the wagon.  I didn't want to lose progress so I did whatever I could to make sure I didn't fall off this time.  I held on, and at the end of the week saw that I actually did lose weight. I just couldn't see it.  I lost 4 lbs this week, a total of 9 lbs so far.  I can't remember the last time I lost 9 lbs, or how long it took me.  I'm very pleased with my progress physically and mentally.  I can feel myself getting stronger and I know that if I stick with it, I'll be able to meet my goals. 

With an average weight loss of 2-5 lbs per week, 4 lbs isn't bad.  I did slack off on my gym sessions a bit, I only went on Monday and Friday...and I only did about 30 minutes of cardio on those days.  So 4lbs with limited effort is a pretty good result.  I know I could do way better, and my goal for next week is to do just that.  My work schedule will be back to normal so it should be easy.

If any of you take anything away from this post let it be these things:
1.  Don't become a slave to the scale.  I'm not saying not to weigh yourself but put the scale in a place that's really inconvenient.  Somewhere you can't see it, or you'll be tempted to step on it.  I had mine in the hall closet, I'm going to move it since I go in that closet everyday.  And if you do weigh yourself, make sure it's first thing in the morning.  If you do it in the afternoon or at night, your reading will be off. 

2.   Don't give up on yourself.  You are the only person that can be responsible for your weight loss.  No one else can lose the weight for you.  You have to realize that even the smallest slip up can send you into a downward spiral.  You get stressed or upset and you allow yourself one cheat.  Then you feel guilty about that cheat, and then you have another.  It's a slippery slope, but you're the only one that can pull yourself back up. When you're feeling some kind of way, sit down and figure out why.  Find a way to redirect those feelings. If your usual response to stress is to eat, find another activity to take the place of food.  Relax in the bath tub, read a good book, talk to someone that makes you feel happy.  But it's up to you to keep yourself on track.  Be your biggest fan.

My relationship with myself is getting a little better.  I'm going to continue to work on it until it's back where it used to be.  And I'm going to keep on moving forward and keep improving.  I'm aiming for 10 lbs next week, so we'll see how that goes. 

Until next time....

First Week Complete

So I have successfully completed one week on this program and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I'm really proud of myself for being able to stick with it and stay on track.  I went to the gym everyday this week, even though some days  I really didn't want to get out of bed or had very little motivation.  I decided to talk myself into the gym rather than talk myself out of it. I am, however, very sore. lol.  But being sore from working out is way better than feeling guilty that there was something more I could have done.  In past weeks I've spent my time half assing in the gym about 3 times a week, eating right about 60% of the time with cheats here and there.  I was basically doing all I could do to maintain the weight I was unhappy with.  I would go a week on the straight and narrow, working out and eating right, but not see any progress and that would be so discouraging, I would eat to feel better.  Of course I wouldn't be able to lose weight that way.  I couldn't see that.  All I felt was disappointment.  I honestly felt like I was giving it my all, doing everything I could do.  But I wasn't, I was being self-destructive. 

After this first week, I've modified that way of thinking.  I've actually stuck to a program, and made progress!  A few days ago I reported that I had lost 3 lbs. Well, after week 1, I've lost a total of 5 lbs!  I've never lost that much in a week (healthily anyways).  I'm hoping that I can keep this up.  If i continue to lost 5 lbs a week (which is possible the program says typically 2-5) I'll be at my first goal of 50 lbs in 9 more weeks.  That would be about mid-October.  My deadline is actually November, but I'll take an early victory.  It would be nice to do my weigh-ins with the rest of the command for a change.  And to actually be able to step on the scale, have the number read and walk away.  I don't want to have to drive myself insane in the days leading up, being careful to not gain an inch or a pound.  I don't want to stand nervously on the scale while they move the slide to find my weight.  I don't want to go through the embarrassment of getting measured and have my inches calculated.  I want to be within standards.  I want to throw away these giant uniforms and feel comfortable at work. I want to be able to wear all of my clothes and feel great in them.  And with this little bit of progress, I have the motivation and the drive to get it done so I can feel normal again.

So 5 lbs... I still can't believe it.  It's been a long time coming.  And I really want those pounds to know that they are not welcome here anymore.  Just stay wherever you are, you'll have more friends there to join you soon.

oh, and I'm thinking about just doing weekly summaries for a while.  and the occasional good thing update.  I know some of you actually read all of these so tell me what you think, daily updates or weekly summaries?

Thanks for reading, and sharing this moment with me.  Until next time...

Another good day.

Today was a good day, good things didn't really happen, but nothing went wrong.  I made some more progress with my issues at the gym.  I bring my iPad sometimes to read while I'm on the cardio machines.  It helps with the boredom.  Listening to music alone isn't enough, and there are only 3 TVs and you can't really hear them. So I read.  Having a book on the machine is super awkward so the iPad is super convenient.  After my initial cardio I was going to go into the basketball court for some circuits.  But there were already 2 people in there around where I wanted to be so I opted for the stretching room instead.  A few days ago I downloaded the Nike Training Club App for iPhone (also compatible with iPad), I never used it but I had it so that had to count for something.  I wanted to do abs and remembered seeing a few workouts in there for just that.   All I needed was a mat and a medicine ball.  I wanted to start small since it was my first workout with the app, so I opted for a 15 workout.  There were 5 exercises total, toe touches, russian twists, plank, side plank, and Crazy Ivans.  Each exercise lasted for a minute, with 3 sets total, and a 30 second rest period in between each set.  The app coaches you through each exercise, let's you know when you're halfway there, and gives a countdown at 5 sec. Then it tells you when to switch.  There is also an option to watch a video of the exercise you're supposed to do if you're unsure what it is or what the proper form is.  I had to watch the video once because I had no idea what a Crazy Ivan was.  lol.  At the end of the 15 minutes, my abs were burning, I was dripping sweat, and I felt like I actually got something done.  The other good part about this story is that while I was working out, a guy came in to do a workout too and I didn't stop.  I went about my business and finished my workout.  I think I'm going to start using this app everyday.  I do need to put music on my iPad though.  It lets you add music to your workout and it will voice over the commands.  If you don't have this app yet, I highly recommend you get it.  There are toning, strength, high interval cardio drills, and area specific workouts.  You can share your workouts through social networking, and you earn rewards for the amount of time you spend using it.  And after all of that, I still managed to get up on the stair stepper for 5 minutes.  I had it set to 60 steps per minute.  5 minutes doesn't seem like that long, until you're on the stair stepper, then it's an eternity!  So since I did so great I took 10 minutes to relax in the sauna. 

That was a great way to start the day.  Great until I got to work and realized I had to climb so more stairs lol.  I did good with my eating today too.  I didn't feel hungry at all.  It did take me about an hour to eat my 2nd and 3rd meals so I think that might have something to do with it.  I've also decided that I'm not a fan of the shakes when prepared in the blender cup.  I'd rather blend it together with ice and get a thick and creamy shake instead of a gritty thing I have to shake up each time I want to take a sip.  And with the blender at least the shake is cold.  In the cup it's room temp at best, even with ice cubs added after the shaking. 

I wish I had more to report, but I think that's good for now.  I'm moving in the right direction at the gym and making my mandatory time there count.  Makes me feel productive.  And instead of wearing me out, it gives me energy for the rest of the day.  I still have yet to take a nap since starting the program.  whoo hoo for me! lol

Hoping to keep the good vibes going into the weekend. :)

3 in 5....

Good News!

I told myself that I wasn't going to weigh myself until the end of the week.  But my step mom, who is always my health coach, was curious as to how I was really doing so I humored her and stepped on the scale. I started this program 5 days ago, after MONTHS AND MONTHS of no progress...but in these 5 days I've lost 3 pounds.   (I weighed myself a night so the number might actually be bigger.)  It's really reassuring to see that the pounds are melting away.  I know that I made the right choice for me and that my goal isn't out of reach.  I've put my scale back in the closet where it belongs and I'm going to stick with weighing in weekly. 

I took a step towards overcoming my gym shyness today.  I didn't stop when the first person walked into the room, progress....but I stopped when the second person did. lol baby steps.  I managed to get a good workout in regardless.  And there's always tomorrow.  I've been thinking about joining the gym that's down the street from my house.  I like classes and the gym on base doesn't really offer any at time I can go.  They have Zumba, which is so much fun.  I have Zumba for my Kinect but it just isn't the same.  The gym also offers other classes that could be beneficial for my health and possibly my social life (which is non existent at the moment).  I'm going to sign up for the free trial next week so I can get a feel for it.  Hopefully the atmosphere is good and the Zumba instructor has rhythm. lol

I was actually somewhat busy at work so it made the time between meals pass by quickly.  We had a fundraiser during lunch selling Bratwursts, Soda, and Chips and I passed and didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.  I don't know if I'd feel like same if it were a bake sale lol. 

And, I got a kitty today!  His name is Nox -- it's a Wand Extinguishing Charm from Harry Potter.  Lumos turns the light on, Nox turns it off.  And he's a black kitty, so it fits.  And he's adorable.  I've been feeling a bit lonely and disconnected here so maybe he will help.  I've been looking for a kitty since I moved here and they were either too far away, the owner wouldn't return my emails, or I'd show up and they would have already given the kitty to someone else.  So this was a huge break.  He's about 10 weeks old so he's pretty clingy which is nice because when he becomes a teenager he won't want anything to do with me. lol I do need him to get bigger though, I found a spider man outfit at the pet store today that he totally needs. He better let me put it on him.


Today was a good day.
Here's to a better tomorrow...

All eyes on me...

Hello Again.  Day 4 is complete.  I'm still feeling pretty good.  I tried 3 different things today for my meals.  This morning I made my Vanilla Shake and I added 1/2 of a packet of Crystal Light Lemonade to it.  It actually tasted really good.  It was sweet and had a lemony zest to it.  Nice and refreshing since I don't really get to drink juice anymore. This opens up a lot of combinations and flavor possibilities.  For my next meal I had the Cinnamon & Brown Sugar Cereal.  I have the option to eat it with soy or almond milk but I didn't have any so I opted to eat it dry.  I like dry cereal.  I've read really good reviews on it, and it definitely lived up to them.  I'm going to get some almond milk and try it that way too.  I bet it tastes great.  After lunch I had the S'mores Crunch Bar.  And it really tasted like s'mores.  I don't know how they did it, but this bar is getting added to my favorites list and I will totally make sure I have it in stock. lol   The next 10 days are going to be a bit hard for me since my working hours have been extended until 5pm.  I think I'm going to switch things up and eat my lean and green meal at work since I won't be home until after 6.  Since I have to eat every 2-3 hours, it will be easier for me to just grab a bar on the way home instead of worrying about rushing home to cook something and still be within my meal time frame.  I think changing my lean and green time will also give me the energy to make it through the day.  It will probably be something simple like a salad.  I just won't have time to run downstairs to prep the meals so this will work out better for me.  I'll try it out for a few days, and if it doesn't work, I'll modify my plan.

I restarted my progress journal.  I track my workouts, moods, and food intake/times in it and write down any feelings or topics I want to write about.  I usually think of something during the day and then forget about it by the time I sit down to write my blog entry.  I'm also going to add my progress pictures to it.  (once I figure out how to get my printer online again, damn thing was just working a week ago!)
 
I worked out with my command for the first time since I transferred here.  I was always allowed to go do my own thing because of my leg, but today I gave it a try.  I was able to do jumping jack for the first time in a really long time.  I guess the physical therapy is working.  I'm hoping to be able to run soon.  Walking is such a drag and treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals just get really boring after a while.  I've been trying to switch up my gym routines but I've run into a little bit of "gym shyness".  I don't know what it is or where it comes from but I feel like everyone in the gym is watching me and silently judging me in their heads.  It's completely irrational but I still can't manage to shake the feeling.  I usually work out at the gym on base.  Most of the people there are people that are already in shape and work out for fun or to build muscle tone.  They're already in shape.  And for someone that is out of shape and is working out to lose weight it can be intimidating.  I know no one actually cares what I'm doing in the gym but if I'm trying to work out and someone else is in the same area as me I automatically feel like stopping, and most of the time I do.  If i want to use the stretching room and someone is in there, I'll leave.  And if I'm already in the room and someone comes in, I'll wrap up whatever I was doing and I'll leave.  When I'm doing cardio I don't really have that issue but I can't get to where I need to be on cardio alone.  I'm not sure what I can do to move past this shyness or how to build my confidence in the gym but I need to figure something out soon.

Until tomorrow....